Even better Holiday Eating Tips!

22 Dec

Holiday Eating Tips

  1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately…. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
  2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of the year but not, so drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have 2! It’s Christmas!
  3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
  4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask it they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? That’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
  5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to curb your eating. The whole point of going to someone’s holiday party is to eat their food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
  6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for taking long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
  7. If you come across something really good on the table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t move. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes – if you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
  8. Same for pie. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have 2 apple and 1 pumpkin. Always have three slices. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
  9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards.
  10. One final tip – if you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party of get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read the tips, start over, but hurry! January is just around the corner!
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